HOLLYWOOD, CA – I may or may not have just binge watched a season and a half of “The Walking Dead.” That really makes a guy contemplate his life choices. Like, why did I just move to a huge walker-infested metropolis like LA 
(potentially speaking)? What is the budget on that show for Red dye and Caro syrup? But most importantly, do I really need to carry a ball peen hammer with me the 15 feet I travel to the bathroom at two in the morning?
Yes! A thousand times, yes! Have you learned nothing about 24/7 emergency preparedness?!
Ahem.
Anywho, the sad part is now that I’m all caught up on the show, I have to wait 7 WHOLE FRIKKIN’ DAYS between episodes like the rest of you mangy TV Nerds out there! That is the most agonizing part of this process! Looking back, I used to be able to do it. All the time!
How did I manage to wait week after week as a kid to find out what the Duke Boys (and my girlfriend Daisy) were up to in Hazzard County? In all fairness, though, if Roscoe P. Coltrane and Flash had been replaced with a Zombie horde, my head may have imploded during each excruciating 168 hour hiatus.
Like it is currently. And so I write. And I tweet. And I pace. And I consider the 13 random things that I really love about where this show is and where it has brought me. Not us, me! It’s my show. Because territorialism and selfishness is apparently one of the survivalist hallmarks of post-apocalyptic living.
And I am a survivor! So if you wanna meet up after everything falls apart and be selfish together and especially if you’re a Lady Ninja Warrior or Kate Beckinsale then please come find me. I’ll be the one in Burbank wielding the ballpeen hammer atop the tricked out Honda Civic.
Meanwhile…
Thing I love about #WalkingDead — No more Fantasy Football! If someone mentions the NFL you can shoot their leg and ring the dinner bell
— David Acuff (@DavidAcuff) October 18, 2014
Thing I love about #WalkingDead — bc they live near ATL there will always be the chance they bump into @tylerperry or #zombieMedea — David Acuff (@DavidAcuff) October 18, 2014
Thing I love about #WalkingDead — No Daylight Savings time. Wake up an hour earlier? Bump that! C’mere zombie! Eat my spleen!
— David Acuff (@DavidAcuff) October 18, 2014
Thing I love about #WalkingDead — mountain bikes don’t exist bc then the group would bike to Outer Banks and live happily ever after — David Acuff (@DavidAcuff) October 18, 2014
Thing I love about #WalkingDead — the group has bonded like homing pigeons now. They couldn’t lose each other out there if they tried.
— David Acuff (@DavidAcuff) October 18, 2014
Thing I love about #WalkingDead — the world is once again devoid of gluten problems and peanut allergies and south beach diets. — David Acuff (@DavidAcuff) October 18, 2014
Thing I love about #WalkingDead — try watching the show while you’re eating lasagne! If you can do it you’re a braver soul than I!
— David Acuff (@DavidAcuff) October 18, 2014
Thing I love about #WalkingDead — I can’t smell how bad they stank after not showering for 1.5 years — David Acuff (@DavidAcuff) October 18, 2014
Thing I love about #WalkingDead — Everyone I hated is gone. Undecided about Carl but if he gets lippy again, I will jedi mind-hex him too
— David Acuff (@DavidAcuff) October 18, 2014
Thing I love about #WalkingDead — Nobody lives in a desert/plain where you can see 360°. It’s always a creepy warehouse or thick woods. — David Acuff (@DavidAcuff) October 18, 2014
Thing I love about #WalkingDead — no matter how few humans are left, there’s always room for another big turf war.
— David Acuff (@DavidAcuff) October 18, 2014
Thing I love about #WalkingDead — animals can’t get zombified. I’d lose it if they had to fend off Pigeons and Llamas. — David Acuff (@DavidAcuff) October 18, 2014
I might have had more but “Fear the Walking Dead” is on, gotta run!! Carl, get in the Caboose!!
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